My husband is your fiancé' and the boyfriend of everyone!!!
“May the best woman wins” is the motto of relationship nowadays. Everywhere you look, the media and our very immediate surroundings, cheating is a widespread phenomenon with the aid of technology. On social medias, netizens twit, post shout out and pictures of broken relationship due to cheating. It fills our computer screen every day. We laugh at the irony, the wittiness of the sayings and cuteness of the messages. We sympathizes with those who are hurting by replying to their post with feel good messages with the intention of helping to ease the invisible crushing pain of broken trust, dreams and worst, the fear of a broken family.
Have you heard about the joke about men who has different girlfriends for everyday of the week? Sounds ridiculous but there might be some truth to it. The fact is, I am the wife of this kind of man. And the very last to know. Very busy with our 2 growing kids and a demanding job, I had no premonition. My husband who was working abroad as a seaman was about to get married again to another woman. Don’t ask me how. I was full of self-satisfaction that my husband was doing the right thing by keeping his own account, because I was receiving a good salary and I am an uncontrollable spendthrift. Trusting that my husband is saving his salary came to an end when an opportunity came up. I told him about the plans when he called and we agreed. The money was deposited to my account. After a few days I received a message from an unknown number asking me to stop demanding money from her fiancé’ because they need it for their impending wedding. I was shocked but not too bothered thinking that it was a mistake. But the message stayed in my mind digging into my subconscious creating chaos. I made a plan to ask for additional monetary support after a certain time just to see if there will be a message again. I did not only get a message, I got a call from an enraged woman telling me to stop asking my “brother” for money. My brother! The questions are popping up in my face but my love for him sustained me and repressed the ugly answers. I gave him the benefit of the doubt but as we know, the truth always finds its way home.
To make the story short, it all came out in a deluge that totally decimated the illusion of what I thought is a secure and happy marriage and it almost killed me literally. I will not bore you with the gory details about how my husband’s fiancée’ and more unknown women claiming him came out in the open. I totally do not want any woman to experience that kind of invisible pain that no amount of anesthesia can dull.
I came to Israel to escape the nightmare of my life leaving my kids to my very understanding parents. I buried myself taking care of an old man for 3 years before I was able to come out of my hole and start looking around and socialize with fellow caregivers. During that time, Israel was not yet that severe when it comes to migrant workers. I got invited to a party and it feels good like the next party and the next until my life became an endless party every weekend. In between indulging myself of the pleasures offered, I noticed that within the community most relationships aren’t worth a dime. In most cases, men regardless of status and physical looks changed partners as often as they can. Lucky are those women who were able to hold on to their man. Although some women do the same too and i was on the very brink of doing it too.
By this time communication has gotten better from the snail mail to cell phones and my children who are fast growing up are directly asking grown up questions like “How are you doing, mama? Are you happy, mama?” “We love you, mama!” The truth about their father is not hidden because gossipmongers have no discrimination and I had to force their young mind to understand the events. I woke up from my delusions and take stock of what’s happening in my life. I realized I was on the verge of imitating the life that my husband has led before. Ii can say it's like a runaway train that will inevitably crash when there is no emergency brake. Thank God for my children, despite their young age serve as my emergency brake. It’s a carefree life because when you are far away from your responsibilities, they seem non-existent if you can shove them to the back of your mind. And there is always the easy way out, saying life abroad is very lonely blah blah blah... I could have closed my mind and say why shouldn’t i do it? It’s not easy to be decent when you are hurting but mistakes can never be mended by another mistake.
I look around me and see myself at other women and I can recognize my husband at some men, feverishly driving their life to an inevitable crash. Who am i to judge? And why should I care? It’s people like them who has broken up my life. Let them feel the pain too! Except that when they crash, innocent people got hurt and broken especially the children.
What these folks need in their life is an emergency brake. It can be me, it can be you. Be a blessing to these people even if they kick you back in the teeth. After 11 years working in Israel, I am ready to go home to my kids full of new hope and life. Acceptance and time has slowly healed the wound in my heart. Who knows what’s waiting for me?
(The woman in the story is now back home for good with her kids. Last time we chat, she finally gave me her permission to publish this abbreviated version of her story.)