The iSavta Team | 13.11.2019
People live with so much insecurities and jealousy that they sometimes cannot contain themselves and they become so obvious despite of their denials.
Insecurities. I have that. Since I usually consider myself so underdog in anything. Physically I’m over the hill insecure of others. Spiritually, I have this self drama of God- is- punishing- me and stuffs like that. Mentally, I’m somehow secure with this. Maybe because I am surrounded most of the time with naive people so I’d like to think that I’m better than them. Or maybe I’m not. Because sometimes I feel that they know a lot and i know little. Insecurities always haunt me in disguise using people who are stronger, smarter and prettier than me. I always feel small.
Jealousy. I have this because of insecurity. Sometimes I become so selfish that I always want people to listen to what I am saying. And if they find someone else to listen to, I get jealous. So as to relationship. I’m always in doubt of the feelings of the person towards me. I always think that eventually he will find someone else better than me. Yes, because I’m insecure and sometimes I don’t believe that I’m capable of keeping someone forever. Jealousy usually occurs to me in expense of people who are very close to me. Family, boyfriend and friends. Maybe I’m just so paranoid. Maybe I’m just afraid that I’ll wake up one day and they don’t love me anymore. Maybe I’m just a drama queen. Maybe… i know there’s a possibility that it will happen…because I’m insecure.
Envy. I don’t know how you will define this. For me it’s a strong and very compelling word. If you will define it as potent as I know it, I’m sure I don’t have it. Envious people tend to do something more than just admiring the things that they don’t have and other people have. They develop hatred towards others and destroy them. Gossip! First step for them to project their hatred. They became identity criminals and spread wrong cue about others. Some are able to kill because of envy. It’s like counting the blessings of others instead of your own. They condone themselves and they spent their whole life hating someone. Maybe people are born without contentment. What they have is nothing and what others have is everything. For one man to understand envy is hard-won. Once in our lives we became so superficial and we wish. Wish to have what we don’t have. But some sticked on wishing. They didn’t even do something to get what they want. They even wish ill on someone only to get equal. And the most dangerous of them all are those who cannot admit to themselves that they are spiteful. They will not accept defeat. They will do everything to show the world that they are better than others. And for them to show this, they deface others while at the same time they destroy themselves too.
I don’t know if I’m capable of absorbing and hording envy inside me. I’m always happy for someone who get something and makes ’em happy. Why can’t we be happy if someone else is happy? For me insecurity is normal. It’s just a personal battle that one can win if he or she will try. Jealousy is part of loving. Sometimes it’s another form of love and fear of losing a love one. For me it adds spice to relationship and it helps you grow. But envy is heavy. It destroys you and at the same time weakens you. But there is only one counter force to get rid of this — SELF-VALUE. If you cannot appreciate and love yourself for what you have and for who you are, then you can never believe that you can be happy. You have to clear your life with bad experiences and memories. Then try to find your self-worth. Focus on building your emotional, spiritual and personal security. Life is not always about getting what we want. It’s about acceptance and contentment without compromising your capabilities as a person. Dream and make a goal. Get what you want. But never ever step on someone else toes. Because ENVY is tangible and in a shape of a boomerang. It will all come back to you… one day!
