iSavta | 24.05.2021

When a patient dies, caregivers are usually shocked and surprised to realize how agonizing their grief is. Being professionals, they thought that they are ready for the loss because they already know the condition of their patients. However, this kind of loss still feels painful because of guilt.

After death takes place, it is only natural for people to feel the need to come back through all the details that led to the death as a means to understand how it took place. Throughout this review of the details, you may come across some mistakes that you made or those things that you would want to change if given the chance.

 

The Feeling of Guilt

Guilt is one powerful emotion. This can isolate you, hold you in bondage, and change the way you look at the world around you. Realistic guilt occurs if you have done something you knew was wrong. However, you may also blame yourself unrealistically for things that are beyond your control. Guilt makes you punish yourself and keep your focus on the past instead of the future.

 

Coping with Your Guilt as a Caregiver

Below are some of the things you can do to help you cope with your guilt and even regret after the death of your patient:

• Share what and how you feel to someone you trust.

Blaming yourself or wishing you did things in a different way is a natural feeling. Maybe all you need is someone who will remind you that you did the best you can, that you were stressed or tired, or that what matters is that you were there to the last minute. It is common to lose your objectivity of remembering the exact things that happened or forget everything you did right after your patient dies. So, when your trusted person tells you that it is not your fault, trust their words and just let it go.

• List down the things that make you feel bad.

Be objective and identify what is regret and what is guilt to you. Is your guilt unrealistic or realistic? If it happens to be realistic, was the guilt unintentional or intentional? There are times when grief can make you blind to the truth so taking a step back to assess how you feel can help. 

• You can move past your regretful feeling if this is what you feel.

Maybe you can write a letter to the patient who died to express how you really feel. This will help you vent out your emotions instead of just bottling them up inside.

• If you are guilty about something wrong you did, you might be relieved of it if you look for ways to make amends.

You can try to volunteer to do kind things for other people.

• Be open and willing to forgive yourself.

Forgiveness will let you move forward on your way to healing and it may also create brand new ways of remembering those painful memories.