iSavta | 13.11.2019
The moment you decided to leave home and find yourself in another country, it is expected that there will be changes not just in your financial status but also with your perspectives and choices. It is often our struggle to adjust to new weather, food, culture, and traditions as well as the community of people we encounter.
For caregivers like us, we are compelled to build a relationship with someone who has a different belief/upbringing from us. But we’re capable of adjusting to certain conditions and taking our responsibility seriously. As family-oriented as we are, we eventually build a very close emotional attachment to our elderly employers no matter how our work situation is.
For 7 long years of being with someone, it is impossible not to develop a certain close-knit relationship. Yes, it is expected that one way or another, separation is inevitable. Either your employer will die or in my case, the employer decided to migrate to another country.
It was August of 2008 when I met her. A pale old woman who doesn’t look like she’s 81. I was not a newcomer and taking care of old people was not new to me at all. She was younger then and I learned a lot of things from her. She was an intelligent but sad woman. A son of hers is residing in another country with his own family and she’s technically alone here in Israel. We’ve been through a lot for 7 years. There were times when our beliefs and choices clashed and we often found ourselves in petty arguments. But just like mother and daughter, we had our fights but at the end of the day, we knew that we love each other dearly. She was my strength during those times when I feel very homesick-ed and I became her loving daughter during those times when she misses her family or just wishes she has a daughter of her own. Life was not easy for both of us. It was quite difficult especially the past 2 years when we decided to move to another home in another town. Her longing and depression sank in deeper and it was not easy for her to resurface.
Until one day, she decided to be with her family for good. As much as I want to come and be with her, I also have to consider my life back in the Philippines. There are also certain factors that we both had to reconsider before we both decided to go on our own. She’s totally alone in Israel. Aside from the fact that I am here and was considered as her daughter, we both know that she’s not happy about being alone. She has only one son who is in another country with his own family while she’s here living alone with her caregiver who cannot fill up the void that she feels. She wanted to be with her son and family. As for me, I wanted to be with my family too. Some might say I am crazy for not grabbing the opportunity to migrate to another country. Some might say, life is difficult in the Philippines. Some might say, I will regret the decisions I made. But, I know for sure that these all boil down to one thing. MONEY.
It is not very easy to decide for your future when you are caught up between “how to survive the future” and “who’s going to be with you in the future”. Will you just choose to build your life with your family or you’ll prefer to live far away for monetary reasons? Some might have some choices but unfortunately for others, they had to choose the latter. After many years of being away from home, I came to realize that money is not the most important thing in this world. Money was made for comfortability but not for us to serve. I was contemplating on “what will be” when I get home knowing that my country lacks the capacity for sustainability. I was also thinking about “what will be” when I’ll choose all these financial comforts that I have right now over the fact that I have a husband who is waiting for me to come home wishing that we could both start our life together. Trust me, it’s not easy.
When the family started to plan about my employer’s migration to another country, I was also part of the plan. They also gave me an opportunity to decide for myself. Money was not an issue knowing that I will receive every cent that I am entitled to receive based on the law (and more). As I was contemplating on the situation, we were hit by many complications not just with me but also with her. It turned out to be extremely difficult for both of us. After long and exhausting deliberation, we came out with solutions where we actually have our individual choices. She was happy about it but I was not. Unfortunately, I only had two straight-to-the-point choices.
A. stay abroad.
B. go home.
It’s more like Black or White right? Can I choose Grey/Gray perhaps? So I spent some weeks noting down every essential factor that I could possibly think before I got down to business (decision). What, How, Why, Where, When, Who, Why not, Why yes. As I ran down the series of pros and cons, I realized that things are not that easy to plan out. Let me break down all these things objectively. First of all, let us tackle the advantages of working abroad.
HIGH SALARY - with this money you can:
a. Provide for your family. This includes your immediate family, kids' education, medical insurance, house bills, parents, siblings, relatives.
b. Afford to Buy What you Want. Well, not everything you want but bags, shoes, pieces of jewelry, gadgets, cars, and other luxuries are possible to acquire.
c. Put Up a Business. You will be able to put up your dream restaurant or Mini Market because you’ll have enough money to start one.
d. Buy or Build your Dream House. I guess building a house is one of the top 3 reasons why people from third world countries go abroad.
EXPERIENCE - Most of the young professionals are eager to go abroad not just for monetary reasons but also to gain experience to pump up their resumes. They don’t mind starting out as Nurse Aids or Dishwashers knowing that these experiences could help them to become full-pledged Nurses or Chefs in the long run. As a matter of fact, if two people with a nursing background seek employment in UK, the nurse aid with 3 years experience from Singapore will most likely get hired than someone who has 6 years experience as a Nurse in the Philippines.
TRAVEL - Everyone is dreaming of traveling the world. Only a few can afford it. I remember the moment when I was informed about my visa to Israel. The first thing that came to mind was “leisure”. It was not even my work or how much dollars I’ll earn every month. I was just happy about the fact that I, a poor girl from the province, will be able to see the Holy Land, a place that only rich and famous could afford to see. By going to another country, you’ll also get a chance to learn another culture, way of life, meet new people and broaden your perspective.
MIGRATION - In some parts of the world, the law allows foreign workers to stay for good. This includes the migration of most of their family members. One reason that Filipinos or other people from the third world seek permanent residency abroad is that there is no stability in their own country. Last year, it was reported that there are about 2.3 Million Overseas Filipino Workers listed. I wonder if Filipinos with dual citizenship or those who migrated a long time ago are included on that list. Let’s face it. Our country cannot provide us with a better life. Thing is, if we won’t crawl in sweat and blood, we cannot sustain a living. Or maybe we can? Yes, we can. But it’s living with a paycheque to paycheque. No medical insurance, no educational plans for our kids, no owned house, no leisures, no security insurance, no pension. Reading all these factors could immediately push you to decide to go or stay abroad with closed eyes.
But let’s see the Cons, shall we?
AWAY FROM HOME - Homesickness? Nah. Everyone will have to go through this phase especially the first-timers. You will have this lump in your throat all the time until you’ll have your first vacation ever. Perhaps after 3 years? Because you will probably spend your first 2 years paying your outrageous placement fee or you’ll spend all your money buying material things that you dreamt of all your life (which are actually not necessary at all). You see, being away from home is not easy. It’s like putting yourself outside of your comfort zone. At home, no matter how worse the situation is, you still have an option to get up late during the weekends. When you’re abroad, you have huge responsibilities, especially those who are like us, the caregivers. you have to get up at 2 am to change your employer’s diaper or wake up every 3 hours to roll her over. You would not want to deal with bedsores, do you? Despite all of these things, we can always overcome homesickness by having constant communication with our families. We also get to find new friends and family while we are abroad. There are Filipinos everywhere and it’s impossible not to have a friend or two wherever you are. The feeling of homesickness and longing will never go away. We just need to get used to it.
MISSING OUT ON IMPORTANT EVENTS - Do you know why the busiest months for plane tickets and relievers are March, April, November, December? It’s because most Filipinos are coming home for the summer and Christmas. March and April are months for school closing and graduations. Mothers wouldn’t want to miss out on their kid's recognition or graduation. The kids are the reason why they went abroad remember? Who would not want to feel and experience those proud moments? And of course, what could be more depressing than spending Christmas and New Year away from your loved ones? How much more when you are in a country where people are not celebrating Christmas at all? Not to mention their New Year is September and not January? Sad right? Thing is, when you’re abroad, you’ll most likely spend your Christmas at work, or with your newly found friends, or worse, alone. It’s a bit of a sacrifice really, especially if you’ll decide to prioritize your kids’ Christmas gifts and Noche Buena rather than your plane ticket home. Oh well, Skype is free.
RISK OF INFIDELITY - Infidelity as we all know is one of the major reasons why there are countless cases of a broken relationship that leads to separation or divorce. For Overseas Workers, it is often a social as well as a sexual issue which became a normal trend despite all the consequences. Cases of an affair outside marriage are at high risk especially to those who are living away from each other. The husband is cheating, the wife’s doing the same. The children are suffering and at the end of the day, there’s no one to blame but the fact that you are very far from each other. Not necessarily quite a valid reason but, let’s face it, it is definitely the major reason why you ended up with a broken marriage.
DEPENDENCY - Do you ever wonder why when you were still in the Philippines, earning $150 a month is somehow enough for you and your family’s needs? Well yes, you want more but you can live by right? Why is it now that you are earning $1500 (ten times bigger than $150) a month, it seems like the demand for money back home is also ten times higher? Let me tell you why. Now that you’re abroad, you bought a bigger house with AC in every room, a car, put up some businesses. Now your brother resigned from his job and became your driver. He and his family will be under your payroll. Your sister and her husband decided not to look for jobs because no one’s going to help you with the mini market you put up. She and her family will also be under your payroll. Your husband won’t go out of your house anymore without his brand new car and his Nike Air shoes. Your children cannot sleep without air-conditioning anymore. In fact, your 18-year old daughter won’t stop for anything until she’ll have her 18th birthday in an expensive hotel with 200 guests including her classmates from her exclusive school for girls. And here you are, struggling to budget your income to compensate for the need of practically everyone back home. You have more headaches now than back when you still have just $150 in your pocket right?
Of course, these scenarios will vary on one’s situation. As for me, I’m 33, married without kids (yet) with little savings, I can bravely choose to go home for good. But to tell you honestly, I’m scared. Scared of what will be like back home. I’m wondering if my husband’s salary would be enough for us to live by. I can say I have some skills that would help me to find a decent job back home but would that be enough? In my case, I also have to reconsider several factors. 1. Chance to Have Kids - if I’ll stay abroad, it will take another 3-4 years for me and my husband to finally be together. So I’ll be around 37 years old till then. 2. Chance to Save More - if I’ll stay abroad, I will have a chance to save more money for us and for our kids if ever. (That if, we still have enough time to have kids). I told you it’s not easy. After all these deliberations and contemplations, I concluded that everyone who wants to go abroad MUST plan out everything well.
Before you pack your bags, you need a serious sit-down-heart-to-heart-talk with yourself. The first question that you need to ask yourself is, IS IT WORTH IT? Are the things that you plan to sacrifice are secondary to the things that you may acquire or gain while working abroad?
In our next article, we will discuss the things that we need to reevaluate or reconsider before jumping on the bandwagon of foreign workers.
